Neon Genesis Evangelion: Unsettling Science
by sockpuppet420
Summary: The most ordinary teenage boy to ever walk the land of the earth is, of course, cast into the hardest life that even the toughest tough guy could face: Living in a house full of women. Rated M for Medical conditions and adult themes.
1. Chapter 1

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Unsettling Science

Chapter 1

* * *

Meet Shinji Ikari. He's a teenage boy, manipulated into becoming a child soldier by his own father, by the father ordering Shinji to pilot a massive armored robot. The device, Shinji was instructed to refer to as an 'Evangelion', whatever the hell that was he thought, was a tall but gangly and thin machine made in the image of man, with a few various accessories around, such as the tall pointy horn affixed to the helmet the machine monster wore, or the ludicrous purple paint job, a color Shinji never would have imagined a military weapon would be given. He was ordered to pilot it, a thing he had never even seen or heard of before. So he naturally refused. Upon that refusal, the father ordered another teenager to pilot it. A girl. She was brought out on a hospital bed and was covered in bandages from her legs all the way up to her left eye. Shinji heard his father's specific instructions to the girl:

"Rei, the Third will not perform its task. You will pilot Unit-01"

Shinji noticed that while his father addressed the girl, apparently 'Rei', he did not name his own son, or indeed even refer to him as a 'he'. His father referred to his son as 'it'.  
The girl was somewhat surprised that another would disobey the Commander, after all, he was the Commander of this entire organization they occupied. Who would dare refuse him? She did not exhibit that surprise on her features however, she had been born and raised at that organization, and was raised to think and act at a level beyond rote 'emotion'. Said upbringing succeeded with flying colors, as not only did she not emote, she had been trained beyond human feelings. Through her internal surprise, she answered, - quietly and almost imperceptibly - "Yes."

At that moment, the reason Shinji was brought to the organization, a deep underground facility, titled NERV, in an artificial city in the nation of Japan, named Tokyo 3 by NERV, reminded all in the facility just why the organization was founded. A creature kilometers above on the surface of the earth, a creature of extraterrestrial origin, and that was taller with much greater mass than Unit-01, tore through the city above like one of Japan's bullet trains could tear through a sheet of wet towel paper. That in itself was an accomplishment to be feared, as the city itself was a weapon, even the business skyscrapers were armed and armored. Military missile sites scattered across rooftops and parking garages were bunkers for tanks and jet fighters.  
None of that mattered to the creature, which shattered the earth below it with every step it took.

That latest step was the worst so far. It rocked down to NERV's underground base, and the fortress where Evangelion Unit-01 was waiting to be sent into battle felt the force of the creature's mighty stride. Concrete sections of the fortress ceiling broke loose, and crashed down onto the metal gangplank Shinji, his military handler, a dark-haired beauty of a woman who introduced herself to him as 'Misato', and the girl, Rei, were standing. Misato jumped to the side out of the way of one boulder, but Shinji froze like a deer, until his eyes spied another meteor crashing down to where the injured girl had been stopped.

His body moved before he could feel any more afraid than he already was. Before he knew what he even did, the boulder crashed down on the hospital bed, just a hair's width from where Shinji had landed after he leapt up, jumped over the bed and scooped the girl up and into his arms. They both would have been crushed into refuse had Shinji jumped a moment later.

The girl screamed. The harsh movement re-tore every wound already in her body. Shinji was no doctor, he was a damned child, but his heart felt some small comfort in that she was alive enough to feel pain.  
At that moment, the father, safe above behind an armored window, spoke again, his voice thundered across the organization's fortress via the military paging system he spoke through.

"Shinji, if you do not act, She will. And if she acts, in her current health, she will fail. And if she fails, being killed by rubble would be mercy. The Angel will not show mercy to the rest of Mankind. Shinji, you will pilot Unit-01."

Shinji felt the cruel irony of the order. Why would the beast above, hell-bent on destroying him and apparently all of the human race, be called an 'Angel'.  
Shinji nearly refused again, but he felt Rei try to move her broken body in his arms. She tried to stand, and failed, collapsing back into Shinji's hold.

 _Oh my God,_ he thought to himself, _she really is going to die! Wh-Why me? WHY ME!_

"FINE" He shouted, to his father, to Unit-01, to God, and to the 'Angel', "I'LL PILOT IT."

* * *

"FINE" He shouted, to his father, to Unit-01, to God, and to the 'Angel', "I'LL PILOT IT".

At least that's what he thought he shouted. He thought the whole situation might have been just a bad dream, until he did not wake up in his own bed. His eyes opened onto the ceiling of a hospital room, he was laying on a hospital bed, and he felt the godawful headache he woke up with.

 _If I'm here, am I dead, or did I actually do it? All I remember was getting in and then I woke up...Did I drown in that orange stuff inside it, or-_

Two adult women walked in the room.

"You gave us a scare during the fight, Ikari. We watched you black out on screen." The blonde one told him.

"BUT OHMYGOD YOU DID IT SHINJI, THE ANGEL IS DEAD! YOU'RE A NATURAL AT IT TOO, YOU AND UNIT-01 KICKED ASS!" Misato ran to the side of his bead and crushed the boy in a hug-

"MISATO PLEASE" He cried out, "IT HURTS WHEN I MOVE, DON'T HUG ME!" She let go after the startling outburst.

The blonde Akagi scientist let Shinji know it was all in his head. "You took no serious injuries during combat, Shinji. You've already been discharged, so you can go with Misato."

"Uh, go home?" Shinji was relieved at the thought, until...

"Not exactly, Shinji. Our intelligence states that there are indeed more Angels that will attack. That means you're getting enrolled as a full time NERV pilot."

"WHAT!? NO, SERIOUSLY, NO."

Misato cut in. "You can say no, Shinji, but that doesn't change the fact that you're the only one who can do this stuff, we need you."

"What about...what was her name...Rei?"

"We need her for Unit-00." Ritsuko answered.

"But, but how am I the only one?"

"Because the Eva you were assigned to matches your personality. You have to be able to sync to it to pilot it. You wouldn't be able to use Unit-00."

"...how long do I have to stay here?"

"Frankly, until the Angels are driven back."

"So what do I do now?"

Misato spoke up. "That's where I come in! I'm gonna have you move in with me!"

"Wha-wha...What? I -I thought I'd be moving in with my dad when I came here."

"He lives here on the base, Shinji. Practically lives out of his office. I have my apartment in the city itself! You'll like it much better, hey when the Second Child gets deployed over here, I plan on moving her in with us too!"

"Who's that?"

"Oh, Asuka. She's from Germany, and she was the second kid after Rei to be matched to an Eva unit. They're finishing Unit-02 in Germany right now. When she gets deployed, she'll have the newest Eva yet."

"I thought I was the second kid to match an Eva?"

"Oh, they knew Asuka was going to be a pilot as soon as she was born, same as they did Rei." _And unlike Rei, Asuka let that knowledge go to her head._ "They just haven't finished Unit-02 yet."

* * *

Shinji walked into Misato's apartment, and immediately regretted doing so. The kitchen buried under an avalanche of dirty dishes and empty beer cans. _And Yebisu beer for that matter! It's enough that she drinks, but she consumes that swill too!  
_ The living room had Misato's civilian clothing strewn about, including her undergarments in disarray on the floor and furniture. Misato's unblemished face went fire red as she saw and scrambled over Shinji through the doorway in to begin scraping up what underwear she could to get it out of the boy's line of sight.  
"UHH, JUST IGNORE THIS STUFF, WE'VE HAD TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT BASE RECENTLY I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO CLEAN UP!"

The bras and panties weren't what got to Shinji. The mess was. "Misato, leaving this stuff out is a good way to get sick, a clean house is a healthy house."

Misato stopped and turned to him. "You're a health nut, Shinji?"

"I, uh, had to cook and clean where I was living when I was at my old school...so I kind of know how to do it."

Misato went starry eyed. She had someone, _someone,_ to take care of the house for her! Shinji's a miracle boy!

Shinji learned that he was to be exactly that. He spent the next few days scraping, scrubbing, and polishing every stain, pile, spot and smudge in the house.

"Misato, what would your landlord say about all this stuff?" He asked while scrubbing a stain on the livingroom carpet.

"Oh, nothing. NERV owns the building. They own most of Tokyo-3."

"Why's that?"

"Because all of Tokyo-3 takes part in fighting the angels. The surface of the city is a big armor plate. The skyscrapers are all weapon bases."

"I mean, but why though? If the Angels attack anywhere else-"

"They're attacking Tokyo-3 because that's where the Evas are. Las Vegas and Berlin have just as many defenses now, because that's where the US is building their Evas and Unit-02 is in Germany, so if an Angel attacks them. They'll be just as defensed. We've even got a base up in Russia, but Unit-05 and its pilot are both kind of situational, they can't operate in the open, same as we can."

"What's Unit-05?"

"Another prototype, I think they're testing its ability to fight underground, so it has wheels, not legs, for instance. Their pilot is also not on the roster to be sent over here, so it's not anything I really look into."

"So, if there's a Unit-02, and a Unit-05, Where's 3 and 4?"

"Those are the American ones. They're production models like Asuka's is."

"What's 'Asuka' like?"

Misato thought for a minute. "Well, since she'll be living here soon, she's a lot like Rei in that she was born into this job. She trains hard, and studies hard. She's already a college graduate!"

"WHAT?"

"I don't know the details, so I don't know if it was a science degree, or history or literature or anything like that, but I know she already has it, so you're gonna have some catching up to do when she gets here, Shinji!"

"What about Rei?"

"Rei's really smart too, she just doesn't talk much. She's nice though. She was born in Tokyo-3, and she already has her own apartment. You'll see her at NERV, and at school when you start there."

* * *

And Shinji did start at school. He walked onto the school grounds only to be accosted by a tall teenager in a sports tracksuit.

"Hey, new kid, I know you're the one NERV brought in, just like that Ayanami weirdo."

Shinji froze. This guy was big. "I-uh- Listen, I didn't ask to come here, they brought me here!"

"Hey, Touji, I believe him" The tall one's companion said. "You know NERV just does whatever they want."

"I don't care!" He grabbed Shinji by his shirt. "You put my sister in the hospital!"

"WHAT? I'M SORR-" Shinji's jaw was damn near punched off his skull.

Shinji spat blood on the ground. "Wha-" he tried to groan out through the pain. "What did I do?"

Touji turned back to him. "Your giant robot freak crushed our house. You'd better be happy my sister's alive, because if she was dead, I'd return the favor."

"Bu-But-" Shinji tried to reply, but he was cut off.

"Touji Suzuhara. Assaulting NERV personnel is a felony, and you would be tried as a non-minor adult should your act be reported."

That was a girl's voice. Shinji looked up behind him; that Ayanami weirdo was standing behind him. Her uniform billowed in the wind, but her head and arms were still covered up in bandages.

"Ikari, report to NERV. We are being scrambled."

 _Wait. That means, oh God, I have to pilot it again._

It was indeed the next angel. Over the water of the Pacific, it's airborne gait slow but sure, it would devour its prey and then return to its mother the way the Other had failed.

It reached the city. It looked around the land it occupied. It slithered through the buildings and towers until it came face to face with its enemy.

"Shinji, let it get into close range and fire."

Unit-01 flipped the switch on the handguard of the 300 Millimeter GAU cannon Shinji had been issued. The seven barrels drilled to life, sending a sawblade of fire into the wall of force the Angel grew before it. Empty hulls rained down upon the city, their weight crushing parked vehicles and denting the alloyed streets.

The weapon may have sawn one wall of the Angel's will in half, but it and its siblings could unfold one after another up to and until the moment of its death. Meanwhile, a Gatling gun uses ammunition. Lots of Ammunition. Shinji had run out the belt in the process of sawing down the field.

His radio sparked to life. "Forget the gun, Shinji. Stab the damn thing!" And so he did, he drew his knife and impaled the Angel at the same moment that the Angel impaled Unit-01 on it's sharp, tensile arms. All that mattered was who gave up first, the Eva, wounded and losing power, or the Angel, flooding the streets with an ocean of rust-colored blood.

Shinji felt Unit-01's knife crack through a layer of something smooth but solid and hard inside the Angel's flesh. The chest wound opened up an even greater torrent of blood. The Angel's body split and tore down the middle, bursting into an ocean of refuse that flooded the streets several meters deep. Unit-01, damaged and out of energy, had to be clumsily dragged through the streets of Tokyo-3 back down underground to NERV.

Shinji was once again checked into NERV's hospital. He once again woke up in the same hospital bed.

"I used to follow a routine at my old school, but getting beat up and going to the hospital again and again isn't routine, it's torture." He didn't really care about being properly discharged, so he left the room on his own, rode the Tokyo-3 subway system to Misato's city block, and returned home. Misato was most likely still at work, but her pet penguin was there. He pet the bird on the head and fed him a sardine, before returning to his bed and falling down on it.

He really did not want to be part of this.

He slept until the return of his new legal guardian woke him. "Shinji! I know you're here!"

He walked out to the living room. Misato was there, but she also brought the thug from his school and his friend.

"Shinji, next time, you wait for your debrief and you wait for me to bring you home. Understand?"

Shinji defied her. "No, I don't understand, I don't want to be part of this."

"Well you are, and you have to be."

The short boy was shocked. He was obsessed with all things NERV, and made no attempt to hide it. "SHINJI, HOW CAN YOU SAY NO TO THIS STUFF! YOU GOT TO PILOT THE ROBOT! YOU KILLED THE ANGEL! EVERYTHING NERV DOES IS SO AWESOME!"

"It also puts you in a coma, friend."

The tall one cut in. "Shinji, his name's Kensuke, and one of your NERV cops picked us up at school and brought us to Misato. I'm here because I punched you earlier."

Shinji stared at him. "Yeah"

Touji continued. "Look, Misato told us everything. How hard it is, how dangerous it is, and she told us we'd all die if you failed. I'm sorry I hit you, and I'm sorry I blamed you for Sakura. That's on me and I owe you-"

"No, no you don't. I feel the same way about the Eva that you feel about me."

"No, seriously, this is beyond ego trip bullshit. I blamed you for something you didn't do. That's a shitty thing to do, and I'm ashamed of myself. Now explain to me why you get to live with her!" He shouted at the end, pointing to Misato.

"Sorry boys" Misato laughed at Touji, "but that's a Pilot only thing. When Asuka gets here, she'll be living here too."

"WHAT? TWO GIRLS?"

* * *

Disclaimer time: First off, Evangelion was created by Hideki Anno and is the properties of Studio Gainax and Khara. Sue them.  
Now, if you were expecting this to be a regular action story, well that ain't what this is. It'll be a teen drama with some jokes thrown in. It'll also have adult situations and uncomfortable content discussed. If you do not wish to read such content, please do not. Otherwise, any hate mail resulting from not reading this line will be happily ignored.


	2. Chapter 2: Do No Harm

Chapter 2: Do No Harm

* * *

With 2 kills painted on Unit-01's upper shoulder, Shinji Ikari's life became as mundane as a teenage boy's life could be if that life involved being forcibly drafted as the pilot of a giant mind controlled robot, who reflects any battle damage it takes back onto the pilot as real injuries; or the life of one who gets assigned to live in the same home as his direct superior officer, who would happen to be a woman with the body of a professional supermodel but the drinking habits of a sorority pledge.

He now got along with the large athlete at his school who once beat him up, so he could at least say he had a couple friends so far, but his days were still planned out from dawn to near midnight, as he attended school during normal hours, but then had to report to NERV alongside the other Evangelion pilot in Japan.  
He still barely knew her. He saved her life at their first meeting, but after that their only interactions had been her reminding him to report to NERV on schedule, or ordering him to scramble for emergencies. His guardian Misato had told him that Rei was brought up in NERV, and so took the position she held very seriously, but Shinji almost suspected that she might be a robot herself. _Just, you know, girl sized. Not giant._

Today was another example of that. She approached him after school and told him to travel to NERV. One sentence was usually all he could get out of her.

"Uh, hey, Rei, uhhhhh-" He tried to find something to actually talk about. "What-what was it like before I came here? I mean, what was it like at NERV?"

She kept walking. "NERV focused more on research than combat."

"So, then...um, Listen, I met you after the first attack. Did you fight the Angel but get hurt by it-"

She cut him off. "No, I was injured in a training accident. We are a military force. There is inherent danger in what we do, even when training."

"What? But Misato told me that the sync ratio training was safe!"

"It was not Sync training. It was practical training in Unit-00."

"Oh, uhh hey, Misato called Unit-00 a prototype. Will you ever get one of the finished versions? You know, it might be safer..."

"There has been no discussion of the possibility of doing so. More Evas would mean more Pilots as well. You are proof of that, Ikari."

Shinji's attempt to put on a happy face fell. _She clearly still doesn't like having me around._

* * *

Ritsuko had him sit in the Sync plug. Again.  
Ritsuko had him shoot on the gun range. Again.  
Then he did it all over.

 _Training is worse than actually fighting. I hate it both._ He said to himself as he watched the clock tick through the day until the day was over and he could go home. Another day of sitting in the Snyc plug and being sent to the range went by, and much to Kensuke's shock and dismay when he found out, Shinji didn't even like guns.

Ritsuko caught up with him outside the pilots' locker rooms. "Damn that girl, she can't just do things at a human pace. Shinji, Rei left before I could issue these. They're new NERV ID cards. Give this one to her when you see her and tell her to shred her old one."

"Oh. OK."

Shinji tried to follow her home, but it was late and tomorrow wasn't a school day. He gave up the chase and went home.

He told Misato that Ristuko gave him a job to do, though he didn't mention what, and left early the next day.

He traveled across town. He found Rei's building dilapidated and structurally unsound. It stopped him in his tracks. "Has Misato ever seen this place? How the hell does Rei live here; it's a disaster waiting to happen! If this place collapses down on her, which it looks like is gonna happen really damn soon, she's gonna get killed in it. Oh, and _she_ went off on _me_ yesterday about NERV needing Pilots."

He knocked on her door. No answer. He turned the doorknob. It was unlocked. _What the hell? If somebody wanted to break in, wait, I pretty much did just break in. I'm proving my own point, here._

Inside there was not much, besides a mess. The apartment was a one room affair, with Rei's bed, which Shinji noticed was a repurposed hospital bed visible from the doorway. Beside it he saw the disorganized pile of bandages she'd been wearing since he'd first seen her.

"Hell with it, I'll leave it here and go." He walked across the room to a clothes dresser. He placed the card on the dresser, but before he could turn himself to leave, he found a pair of broken eyeglasses. "Huh. She doesn't wear these." Unable to slay his curiosity, he put them on, turned around, and came face to face with a hand flying through the air direct towards him. She knocked the glasses off his face, caught them in midair, and placed them back in their proper resting place.

"I would not have taken any issue with you traveling here unannounced, but the next time you attempt to steal these, I expect you to have prepared well enough to succeed."

Her slap had sent him to the floor. He looked up to her, saw she had just gotten out of the bath, and screamed. "I, I WASN'T TRYING TO STEAL THEM, I'M SORRY!"

He scrambled himself up and ran out of the room. She dressed herself and left for NERV that day. She arrived at NERV's security behind him, and could not enter. Shinji walked through the gate, then turned around when he heard the gate shut and alarm reject Rei's card.

"Wait, shit! Rei, did- did you see the new ID card I left on your dresser...you know, beside your glasses..."

Rei's eyes stabbed Shinji like a pair of daggers. "...No. You fled before you informed me about it. Do you mean to say that I came all the way here with a faulty ID that you were sent to replace?"

"Uhh, look, I'll go back to your house and get it for you, no need for you to be caught up in all this."

"No, we both will."

"Huh? Why? We don't need both of us to do that-"

"I am already late. Now, you will be as well. We will both be reprimanded."

"I guess that's fair."

* * *

It was a long, awkward walk the two took. Shinji was unable to coax a conversation out of the girl, and he learned that she could handle silence far, far better than he would hope to do.

But, when they did arrive from the round trip back, they mercifully were not punished. Misato demanded to know what the two had been up to, and Shinji plead his case. He did fulfill Ristuko's orders after all, and the mistake did indeed happen when Rei did not take her new card off the dresser. Misato simply ordered the two into their chambers for the day's tests.

Shinji looked at Rei's station on screen. She practically slept through the sync training. Her eyes were closed and she remained completely silent throughout the entirety of their training. She was harsh to him, sure, but Shinji envied her ability to remain detached from all the ridiculous garbage that he'd found himself roped into. Being placed inside a giant robot against his will, fighting gargantuan alien monsters, and feeling all the damage that the Eva took from combat... _This job sucks._

Of course, it could only get worse. Shinji watched a comedian named 'Louis CK' on the internet once.  
He said: "Optimists are people who think nice things will happen. WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYTHING NICE EVER HAPPEN?"

NERV's radar system picked up another alien beast over the ocean. It was deceptively harmless but beautiful looking. A deep blue gemstone that flew over the sea, into the city. Shinji was ordered to prepare to launch out while Rei once again sat on reserve.

Unit-01 was sent out to the surface of Tokyo-3. The Angel opened up its crystalline body. The deep Core Organ in the center of the Angel glowed blood red from its power within. It shot Unit-01. It shot Unit-01 with all the energy that an alien monster could conjure within itself. Unit-01 boiled inside its own body as the buildings behind the city block it stood on melted behind it, as a new cave was burned into the hillside far behind the city. All of NERV heard Shinji's scream as he boiled nearly to death as well.

"EJECT HIM!" Misato shouted to the rest of NERV inside their command center. "EJECT SHINJI AND EVACUATE HIM."

The Commander overruled her order. "No. If he is ejected, the Angel's weapon will destroy both him and the Eva. Lower them both back. We will have to continue observing this creature remotely."

They tried. Unit-01's suit of metal armor was melted onto the elevator that launched it to the surface.

Misato remembered that the entire city hadn't melted yet, though. "Fire the Explosive Bolts for that city block! Let it all fall!" Unit-01 and one of Tokyo 3's skyscrapers fell back down to NERV's subterranean Eva cells. The Eva was submerged in the sea of Link Connecting Liquid that filled NERV's lower levels. It steamed and boiled around the glowing, molten plates of armor that had burned into Unit-01's frame. Shinji was stripped nude and placed inside a refrigerated ambulance litter.

The Angel didn't just have a laser weapon. It's gemstone body was indestructible, and was therefore a weapon itself. It morphed again, extending it's vertex down to ground level where it began to rotate. The impenetrable surface drilling through Japan down to NERV's base, unimpeded by any human weapon.

Misato was at her station at command. She rose up from burying her head in her hands. "Call the SDF. We need the particle accelerator."

"Yeah right, they'll never hand that over to us."

"I'm not giving them a choice. We're going to send Rei over there in Unit-00. If they don't rescind it willingly, she will take it from them."

* * *

The potential of an attack from an exponentially powerful robotic weapon helped the armchair generals at the Japanese Self Defense Force decide to give NERV the weapon. NERV could make it work. An Evangelion could carry it to position, and as long as enough electricity could be generated, the Positron Cannon could shred apart any object in existence at a subatomic level.

However, Misato had to convince a teenage boy who had just recently been drowned in boiling fluid to get back in to that fluid. She marched to Shinji's bed in NERV's infirmary, where it was reported that he did not receive any burns beyond the first degree. But it would be a miracle if he wasn't scarred by the event for the rest of his life.

"Shinji" She shook him awake. He looked up at her through a morphine-induced haze. "We found a way to beat it. We have a weapon for you strong enough to kill the angel."

"Wha-what do you mean 'we'!? You're s-safe down here while I was up there getting b-burned!" He tried to yell at her but his body burned all over and it hurt too much to get angry.

"That-that's not true, Shinji. If the Eva fails, the Angel won't destroy NERV. This entire base is built up on towers with nuclear weapons primed to explode and collapse everything down. Because if the Eva fails, and if NERV fails, then the Angel will dig down on its own and destroy the entire planet. We're not safe here, Shinji. We'll just die a few minutes before everyone everywhere else will."

Shinji looked down at his hands. "That-that's still not the same! I'm quitting! So, do whatever you're told to do, shoot me, lock me up, whatever. I quit!"

Misato walked to the exit of his room. "I'm not told to do anything about this, Shinji. We'll figure something without you."

Misato left the room. She was about to do the worst thing she'd ever done up to that point in her life. She went to the nurses' preparation station, and ordered the nursing team to prepare a shot of interrogation serum from NERV's brig that she would use on Shinji. She invoked her ability to use War Power when they objected.

She told herself that it was because Earth, and NERV, and she herself needed, _needed_ Shinji to pilot. _Rei needs him too,_ she thought, _God knows Rei couldn't do this on her own-_  
That was it. That's what she told herself. If Shinji failed, then all would be lost.

* * *

Shinji awoke again to Misato and a nurse in the room.

"Shinji, I told the nurse how you looked when you tried shouting. You're still in too much pain. We're giving you another painkiller shot." Misato lied.

"Oh, Okay."

He cringed at the sting from the shot. "You should feel better soon. It shouldn't take long."

"Thank you, Misato."

The nurse whispered in Misato's ear. Misato stood for a few minutes and then asked Shinji how he felt.

"Better, I guess."

"Shinji, do you want to lose me, and Rei, and your father?"

Shinji looked up at her. "No."

"Then I need you to pilot the robot. Will you pilot Unit-01?"

"Yes."

Only a short time had passed since the shot. Misato wasn't even sure if Shinji would successfully make it through their briefing. The boy had a cocktail of painkillers and psychoactive drugs strong enough to make Bob Marley consider sobriety shot into him. She hauled him out of bed and walked him back to the Eva fortress.

"Rei is already out there. She's getting you the gun we're gonna use to kill this thing."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"You aim it, and then flip the on switch. It's like turning on a really big bug zapper!"

"What's Rei gonna do?"

"We gave her a heat shield, a really strong one. It should keep you both safe for a while."

"Oh, that's good."

Misato watched Shinji gawk at her through his drug induced haze. "And we've got lots of other weapons pointed at the Angel, too. So far it's only shot at one thing at a time, so hopefully the decoys we put out will keep it occupied."

Unit-00 returned to the city, carrying the experimental particle accelerator in its arms. It took in electricity at one end, and fired antimatter at the speed of light out the other. The amount of electricity, NERV found to be apocalyptic. Its activation would cause a nationwide blackout. Both Evangelion Units were elevated up to Japan's ground level.

Misato helped Shinji clumsily load himself into Unit-01's entry. Unit-00 led him to the sniper nest NERV built for him in the remains of a damaged power station, and Rei readied a decommissioned space shuttle she planned to use as a heat shield against Ramiel's weapon.

Shinji laid down and NERV's computer aimed for him, he fired and all around him was blinded by the light his weapon conjured. A minuscule hole was let on the front face of the Angel's diamond body. A much, much larger exit wound exploded out Ramiel's farthest point. The air shuddered and all were deafened by the curdling scream that poured out from the Angel's body, but it did not fall.

It turned slightly. Rei ran Unit-00 up to Shinji's camp and held the spacecraft's ceramic underbelly out before them both. It fired, and Rei was pushed back under the weight of the Angel's beam, which hit the shield and fractured into a kaleidoscope of fire that ricocheted off into sections of the city that burned in its heat. The outer edges of the shuttle's wings began to char and flake away. Rei felt Unit-00's metal boots scraping and grinding backwards over the earth beneath her. Shinji's weapon burned through it's safety fuse, and it was up to him to load another. This however, required more finesse than simply firing the weapon. He fumbled with the next fuse, he felt like his hands weighed a thousand pounds, and he loaded the next fuse backwards before he finally managed to get it inside the barrel of the gun. It was around this time that the Shuttle's hull failed and Rei was pierced by the same rod of power that Shinji had felt earlier. She was not bound to NERV's elevator system, however, and was blasted off the cliffside they were based on to land far below. The camp, and everything behind it, melted under the fire, and Shinji, feeling the beam strike him a second time, and he fired, fired before NERV had finished aiming for him.

Ramiel felt its own life end. Its beam of fire and it's drill into the earth ceased to penetrate. The Angel's core erupted from within, and its diamond body exploded in an ocean of otherworldly blood, flooding the streets of the city in an ocean of pungent red.

Shinji lumbered out of his nest and staggered to where Unit-00 had collapsed. He tore open the panel on the Eva's spine that contained Rei's entry plug, and he forcibly separated her from her crippled beast.

He ejected himself and made his way to her as fast as he could, finding her with her head in her hands at the disabled cockpit.

"Rei, p-please tell me you're ok-" He panted out and struggled to stay on his feet at the door of the plug.

"Pilot Ikari" She looked up at him. "The shield deflected the Angel's attack off into neighborhoods of Tokyo-3."

"What?" Shinji couldn't see what she was implying.

"There were...civilian casualties."

"No, Rei! You don't know that! M-maybe the streets were abandoned!"

"Pilo- Shinji. I accessed footage from parts of town. They were not."

"Rei there, there isn't anything we can do-"

"I sent the fire to those people because I didn't properly deflect the-"

"That's not true! You did everything you could to save those people! Misato said we had to save everyone!"

"Shinji...The block of the city where the building I reside is was hit by one of the beams."

"Rei, you don't mean..."

"I assume the worst."

Shinji reached over her to the controls, opened a panel and called Misato on the emergency phone in the seat. Before Rei could stop him, he told her that Rei's apartment had been destroyed by the Angel.

"And Rei is sure of that, Shinji?"

"As sure as she can be from here, Misato."

"Well then. I was going to let Asuka live with you and me when she gets here, but this changes absolutely everything. Rei's moving in with us, and I'm not takin no for an answer. From anybody."

* * *

AN: Hey, you promised offensive stuff! I did, and we'll get to it.


	3. Chapter 3: Insurance Fraud?

Chapter 3: Insurance Fraud?

* * *

"Rei, lets..lets just watch one more time and see if we can tell, o-ok."

"We have viewed this footage several times, Pilot Ikari." Rei fast forwarded the gun camera to the point where the beam struck her shield. It split into a starburst of fire, flying off wildly into several different neighborhoods, including Rei's own. "There, there's the point of impact. That's my building, I can easily recognize its construction."

Shinji had climbed onto her controls to peer over her shoulder onto the small communication screen they were watching. He inadvertently leaned over, and realized the position they were in when his head rested against her shoulder. He yelped and fell backwards, landing on his back against the wall of Unit-00's Evangelion entry plug. He tried to regain his sensibilities. "Rei I, I'm so sorry, for your house, and for getting that close, and for-"

"It's no matter."

"What!? Rei, that's your home, it-"

"A building is an object, Pilot Ikari. Things do not matter. I do not exist to protect buildings. My purpose is to serve the people, and I failed."

"What? How? We killed the Angel!"

"(You) killed the Angel, Pilot Ikari. _I_ deflected the Angel's beam into the populated city. I should have better deflected the fire into barren ground. My negligence cost the lives of many tonight."

"No, Rei! It's not that! We-we both did the best we could. I tried to kill the angel the first time and I couldn't! You had to deflect the fire while you were getting hit by it! I know exactly what it felt like, I got hit by it too!"

"You killed the Angel under its fire. I should have held its fire."

"I, I got lucky, Rei. When it shot me, I panicked and pulled the trigger. The fact that I killed it was total luck."

"That's not what I believe, Shinji. I believe that everyone has the right to live."

" _That is the right thing to believe_ , Rei!" Shinji, in his intellectual fervor and emotional turmoil at seeing the girl so wounded by the loss of life tonight, instinctively and unconsciously threw his arms around her. "You didn't take that away from anyone! The Angel did! Even -I- can understand that now!"

"My, my, my... Am I interrupting something, you two?" A voice appeared at the plug door. Shinji knew that voice. The voice sounded like it dripped with honey, so Shinji knew that it meant it was a trap to catch two little flies.

"Mi- Misato! We weren't-" Shinji went pale.

"You weren't what, Shinji?"

"We weren't doing anything, we were just watching the screen! Just trying to see if Rei's house is OK!"

"Oh really, because it sure looks to me like Rei's going to have to start carrying around a big stick to beat back her hubby with, cuz he obviously can't get enough of her!"

"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!"

"Major Katsuragi, I can assure you that Shinji was not attempting to instigate any form of sexual contact with me."

"Oh, come on, Rei. I know that; you're no fun. Shinji folds like a cheap chair when I pull the girl card on him, why can't you be that easy?"

"NERV takes a poor view of fraternization, Major."

"I know that too, Rei. But it's not against regulations to mess with Shinji.  
Now...tell me, does it really look like your house is gone?"

"Shinji and I both believe so."

"Don't you ever think that you won't have a place to stay, Rei. If you don't want to go down to the barracks, you can move in with me and Shinji."

"You are generous, Major."

"And enough 'Major' stuff, Rei. When you're hanging around the house, my name is Misato."

"Yes Ma'am."

"Eh, it's a start. Now, I need you to tell me what all you left in your apartment."

"My belongings."

"More specific than that, Rei."

"I meant that. All my belongings. At NERV I had my school uniform I'd worn that day in the pilot locker room, and the general supplies and medications that Dr. Akagi provides."

"So, all your stuff was at home."

"Yes."

"Well...You _could_ lounge around on the couch in your plugsuit, so Shinji can see your pretty figure shown off for him-"

"MISATO!" Shinji's face was as red as the Angel's blood.

"Or we can take you shopping, and we can have Shinji pick out what he'd like to see you wear!"

"MISATO!"

"Actually, Major Katsuragi, before I can alter my living arrangements so drastically, I would need you to discuss it with Dr. Akagi."

Shinji looked over at Rei, who had ended Misato's brutal torture of the boy. Another line of Misato's teasing Shinji about her, and the boy would have fainted dead away. "Thank you for saving me from her, Rei."

* * *

Two people spoke inside a darkened room. One stood inside the other's office, who sat at their desk; A separation of power and authority, a demonstration that the former must submit to the latter.

"Tell me, Doctor, do you believe Rei's claim that her residence was destroyed unintentionally?" NERV's supreme commander asked from his desk atop the entire organization.

"If she did it on purpose, she did an impressive job of making it look like an accident. I've watched the footage myself and I don't see any signs of her using the shield as a means of attack."

"Then tell me your opinion of Major Katsuragi's intentions to relocate Rei to her own apartment."

"With all due respect, Sir, I'm a biologist, not a family planner. I don't have any indication of ulterior motives from Misato. Her statements implying sexual activity between the First and Third Children should be taken as satire." The Akagi woman rolled her eyes thinking about her long-time frienemy. "As should most things she says. I've known her since high school, it's how she talks."

"Then deliver her these terms: Her request will be acquiesced, however NERV officially expects immediate improvement in all metrics for both personnel now residing in the Katsuragi household."

"I will call Rei and Mis- Katsuragi, apologies, to my office immediately, thank you."

"Then please, do so. This asinine matter has taken up enough of NERV's valuable time."

"Indeed it has, sir."

* * *

Misato and Rei walked into Dr. Ritsuko Akagi's laboratory, side by side. The doctor ushered them in quickly.

"I'm just going to ask you this straight up, Rei: Was the apartment an accident?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Then I certainly hope it was. If the Commander finds out it was not, and was just a ploy for you to get yourself new stuff, you will be dealt with. Understood?"

"Yes ma'a-"

"RITSUKO!" Misato leapt to the girl's defense. "HOW THE HELL CAN YOU TALK LIKE THAT!? REI JUST LOST EVERYTHING SHE HAD, AND YOU'RE-"

"She is a NERV employee, Major, and will therefore be held to the standard of such."

"She, and Shinji, for that matter, IS A CHILD."

"And children are expected to behave."

"I hope you never hear yourself talk, Ritsuko, because you might wake up if you did."

"And you might grow up if _you_ ever hear yourself, Misato."

"I'm not the one threatening a kid!"

"It's not a threat, Misato. It's the terms that NERV set. If Rei and Shinji both do not immediately see improvements to their Sync Rato, their academic grades, and their physical fitness, Ayanami will be removed from your care and moved into base barracks. Do you understand?"

"May I ask a question, Doctor?" Rei spoke up... 'Up' being a relative term considering Rei's indoor voice was barely a whisper.

"What is it, Rei?"

"How far must I improve my academics? I receive straight A's in my classes. In addition, it is no secret that my physique is somewhat frail."

Ritsuko was taken aback. Rei actually raised a valid point. "Well...You have good grades, but Shinji certainly needs help. I suggest you hold him accountable for his studies, since Misato clearly doesn't."

"He just started school! And practically his first day there involved him getting beat up and called back to NERV for a sortie!" Misato shouted.

"Then he has plenty of room to improve. And Rei, I assume your medications were in your apartment?"

"Yes, they were."

"Have you noticed any withdrawals yet?"

"No."

"Good. I'll have the pharma team send you a supply to Misato's apartment. Keep your drugs away from Misato, would you please?"

"RITSUKO! I AM NOT A FUCKING PILL JUNKIE!"

Rei cut off the offended brunette. "Dr. Akagi, what about my clothing? Beyond my uniform for the day, it was lost as well."

"Obviously Misato will need to take you shopping."

"Apologies, I meant my medical garments."

"Oh. That. I'll get you a box from the hospital you can take home today."

* * *

The supermodel and her new ward returned to the surface of the city. Rei had a pair of substantial cardboard boxes issued to her, but other than that, moved in with her squadron leader with only the clothes on her back.

"Shinnnnnjiii!" Misato called out across their apartment. "Come welcome in your pretty new roommate!"

Shinji appeared from within his room and saw Rei, standing right there in the living room. There was now a girl his age and his height living with him...and she was beautiful. "Uh, uh, uh- h-Hi, Rei...Wu-Wu-Welcome home."

"Aaaawww, Shinji's too stunned to speak! I'll help out." Misato walked up to Shinji and tweaked his nose, getting him to snap out of it. "Shinji, you go clean up the guest room, I get to take Rei shopping for some outfits! Make sure the closet and dresser's empty for us and vacuum her room, please dear? I'm also going to order her a bed from the furniture store. Make sure the center of the room is clear!" Misato leaned over him and pouted, just enough to let him see inside her blouse, which she conveniently left the top button opened. Shinji went wide-eyed, and ran away into what would become Rei's bedroom. Misato laughed and escorted Rei out.

At the mall, Misato learned that Rei apparently had very strict, conventionally feminine standards for civilian clothing. Jeans and tank tops were out of the question to Rei, and would flatly reject them when Misato asked her to try them on. She did, however, model numerous variants of the blouse and dress that made up her uniform. Misato chose to exploit this newfound knowledge by procuring several cream-white and sky blue sailor dresses to pair with yellow, blue, and pink blouses. She dressed Rei up to the appearance of a classic 1950's high school girl; and Rei, in all her natural, unmade and unkempt beauty, turned heads, male and female alike, with her appearance likened to a postcard or a Rockwell painting.

"Major Katsuragi, will I need all these? Our school will replace the uniforms I lost."

"You certainly will, Rei, because I will not have you spending all day in that bland envelope they call a dress."

But Misato knew it was time to get serious. She gathered up the new outfits as Rei changed back into the one school uniform she still owned, and then took Rei to the women's underwear section of the store. She wore an evil grin as she walked Rei over. _This is gonna be fun, Shinji will be eating out of the palm of her hand._

She started innocently enough. "Rei, do you know your specific measurements?"

"I wear small clothing, Misato. I don't expressly tailor my sizes."

"Well that just won't do. While you're with me, you're getting the best." And so Rei spent the next hour under the measuring tape, while Misato scouted the selection for the perfect lace and silk adornments, returning to the dressing room with multiple Balconette bras with elaborate floral weaves, lace panties, and pairs of glossy pantyhose intended to give Rei's legs a mirror shine. Oh, and pajamas. Misato also found several silk babydoll nighties that would just barely cover enough to keep Shinji interested. Of course, she wasn't going to tell Rei about that intention just yet.

"Misato, these are expensive undergarments."

"They're not expensive, Rei, they're _investments_. We're investing in your future, after all! Besides, even I know you never spend your paycheck. Go wild for a day!"

"But I also need to purchase a bedroom set."

"No you don't; NERV's paying for that."

"That is a helpful revelation. Why was I not made aware of it?"

"Oh geez, because I wanted it to be a housewarming surprise!"

"I apologize, but I don't take surprise very well. I feel it's more appropriate to plan ahead properly."

"Yeah, but you're a teenager, not an old maid who clips coupons. Your room is a gift from me and NERV. The clothes are from you to you, so they might as well look good!"

"Major, one's appearance has little bearing on sync or combat performance."

"So? You've also got friends now, Rei. That means you'll be hanging out, going to parties, _out on dates..._ "

Rei stopped in her tracks. "I...have friends?"

"Of course you do, princess! You've got me, you've got Shinji, that means you're gonna start getting friends at school too, and soon you're gonna have Asuka. And you know as well as I do that Asuka can be a little drama queen when she wants to."

"Major, Commander Ikari forbade me from such activity-"

"That order was revoked when you moved in with me. You're hereby ordered to go have a life, something you and Shinji have earned after all the garbage we put you through."

Rei was puzzled, as she still did not have a firm grasp on Major Katsuragi's euphemisms. "Do you mean I'm ordered to partake in recreation activities with Shinji?"

"I mean, well, sure. With Shinji. Or Touji and Kensuke. Or Asuka when she gets here. Or that nice girl who serves as your class rep. I mean have fun with whoever the hell you want, I don't get to choose your friends for you."

* * *

They returned home after nightfall. Rei had bundles of clothes to load into her closet and dressers, and a vanity with a mirror and a poster bed arrived outside their door.

"Rei, get your clothes unpacked. Shinji, you're a man, that means you're with me!" Misato shouted, pressing him into service to move furniture like the man he was. Rei finished quickly as the vanity and bedframe were installed, and slipped into Misato's bathroom to change for her first night in her new home.

It was at that point that Misato and Shinji were heard, loudly and clumsily fighting to maneuver Rei's new mattress into her bedroom. And of course, the mattress won the battle. Shinji was thrown through the bathroom door, to land on his back to come to a crashing halt between Rei's legs. Shinji was paralyzed, looking up at the glossy white garment under Rei's new nightie, and even Rei was disturbed, and was staring down at him.

Misato knew a crisis just unfolded.  
 _At least Shinji isn't screaming yet._ She thought to herself. She left him there and forcibly dragged the mattress into Rei's room, then returned to drag Shinji by the leg, still flat on his back, into his own room. "Don't you move from that spot, or make a sound, you understand me?"

Shinji merely nodded from his splayed out position.

"Good. I'm going to resolve this with Rei, then I'll be back to deal with you." Misato slid Shinji's door shut and returned to the bathroom. Rei was still standing there.

"Well," Misato said, "it had to get awkward around here sooner or later."

"Yes ma'am. I suppose it did."

"Rei, I just want you to be honest with me, please. Nothing needs to leave this bathroom. How are you feeling?"

"Embarrassed."

"Fair enough. Mind if I ask why you're wearing that?" Misato pointed down to Rei's waist, where the hem of her pajama top concealed all but the very bottom of the white plastic adolescent diaper she was wearing.

"Because nocturnal enuresis is just one of the many medical conditions that I contend with."

"Then how come Ritsuko never mentioned it to me? I already know that you have brittle bones and a low platelet count, but this is new, and it's important Rei. I'm not mad, but I should have been told about it. Actually, I am mad. At Akagi, not you. What I want from you is your full medication listing and any other reasonable accommodations I'm supposed to know you need...Scratch that, I'm going to demand that Ritsuko give you another full physical and a full audit to that medication you take so I can find out what you really need to be on."

"Misato, medical records are classified, Dr. Akagi will not share them."

"While you're up here with me, I'm responsible for your health. If she won't cooperate, I'm taking you to Tokyo Medical University for a damn second opinion." Misato took a breath and started again. "Look, Rei, I'm not mad at you, but I do need to be part of your life, now. That means I need to be clued in for this kind of stuff, because now we have Shinji panicking over in the next room...Speaking of which, I don't care if you wet the bed as long as you keep wearing those and keep up with your laundry. But, what about during the day?

"I have not had any daytime incidents. I wear maximum feminine liners due to the possibility, however."

"That's mature of you. Is there anything else I don't know about?"

"Dr. Akagi said that my entire pelvic area is underdeveloped. She said that I'm maternally barren."

Misato was taken aback. "You know what, Rei? I want to show you something. It took me ten years to come to terms with this: Do you happen to know what I was doing when I was 12 years old?"

"Yes ma'am. You were in Antarctica during the Second Impact's planetary explosion."

"Look at this." Misato removed her jacket and opened her shirt. Under her bra was a long, wide scar that covered most of her chest. Rei saw, and immediately understood what her guardian meant. Misato walked up to her and gave the girl a sad, affectionate hug. "I can't be a mother either, Rei. We've got that in common."

"Yes, we do."

"Now then," Misato retucked her shirt. "I need to know where your nightclothes are."

"The bottommost drawer of the vanity."

"OK. You stay right here for now, I'm gonna go reconcile this little circus with Shinji."

* * *

"She wasn't...there's no way she was wearing...but that wasn't her panties, it was plastic!" Shinji mumbled to himself in his room, when Misato entered the room with a pair of objects, a thin, silky garment on the bottom, and the object of Shinji's conniption atop it.

"That's right, Shinji! It was plastic. So here's the skinny: Rei wets the bed. She always has, and may continue to do so. It's in her genetics apparently. So, since you initially handled it so well, to ensure you're properly acclimated to the living arrangements, you're going to spend a night in Rei's shoes. Or, clothes, more specifically."

"WHAT? MISAT-"

"And here you are, freaking out again."

"YEAH, BECAUSE YOU'RE PUTTING ME IN A DIAPER!"

"Yeah, and tommorow I won't be, nor any other day after that, but today it's to make sure that you don't cause any problems in the future because Rei does wear them. So, I can either walk out and you take care of yourself, or..." Misato smirked "I can change you myself."

Shinji's eyes opened as big as bowling balls. "I- I CAN DO IT"

"K, sweetie!" Misato walked out. Several minutes later, the door opened, and Misato squealed at the most precious sight she had ever seen! Shinji was a late bloomer, so he had not a single strand of body hair on his arms or legs, and a face that was soft and easy on the eyes. This meant, that the boy wearing the nightie and diaper under it, looked almost as innocent and feminine as Rei herself did.

Shinji was terrified, not just because of how outrageous he looked, but because of how good he felt. _It's so comfortable! IT'S TOO COMFORTABLE! IT SHOULDN'T FEEL LIKE THIS_ , his mind screamed to himself, it felt like he was wearing a soft cloud over his shoulders and chest, and a fluffy pillow around his waist. He looked, and felt, like a pretty girl, and that threw his fledgling ego into chaos. "I get the picture, Misato. Can...Can I take this stuff off now?"

"Not yet, Shinji! I said spend a night in Rei's shoes, that means you go sleep it off and you can change in the morning."

"But Misato-" Shinji's whining to Misato was cut off by the act from the third person in the room. Neither Shinji nor Misato noticed the change in Rei's expression or that the girl's body began gently moving towards Shinji when he emerged from the room. They did notice when Rei stopped right up against Shinji's torso, and laid her head down on his shoulder. Misato cupped her face in her hands at the adorable sight.  
 _O - M - G. Shinji. Has. A. Girlfriend._ She thought to herself, as she smiled at the blush upon both the kids' cheeks.

"Rei," Misato started while Shinji stood comatose. "Mind if I asked what inspired this little display of affection?"

"I do...have a reason for acting this way, Misato." Rei answered from her position on Shinji. "This condition, even more than the others, is indeed embarrassing. Therefore it is quite lonely as well. Seeing Shinji like this...it made that loneliness go away..."

"Well go on, Shinji!" Misato jabbed at him. "You heard the girl! Hug her already! Don't let your girlfriend do all the work!"

Shinji, still deer eyed, turned to look at Rei, still up against him. He slowly brought his arms up and around her, and then his eyes shrunk back to normal. Somewhere, deep within him, he felt some primal instincts take over him, and he knew it would take more than the Angels attacking to make those arms of his let go, because holding this girl, this _beautiful_ girl, no matter how ridiculous the reason that he was holding her, felt indescribably spectacular. It felt like no other feeling in the world; her soft, gentle blue hair, her otherworldly but alluring red eyes, and of course, her figure, that Olympic athletes and professional models alike would kill to have.

"Alright you two cutie pies," Misato said in a chirpy, songlike tone, "Time for bed, break it up."

The two teens, their hearts now captured by the other, reluctantly let go and retired to their own rooms, and Misato proudly went to the kitchen and rewarded herself for managing the teen disaster by opening herself up an ice cold beer.

* * *

Several hours passed, and Shinji had dozed off to sleep on his bedroll in his room, when the door slid open and shut, and Shinji was startled awake by feeling his blanket pulled off of him. In yet another panic, he darted up and pulled down the hem of the outrageous lingerie Misato had forced him into, only to be relieved by feeling a smooth plastic seat relax into his lap, soft hair brush against his face, and a pair of lips press against his cheek. Of course, that did nothing to prevent his teenage endowment from rising to full attention, only to be trapped within its absorbent prison.

"Rei!" He tried to whisper. "Misato will kill us for this!"

"Perhaps. But I've never felt such closeness to another before this night, Shinji. It has made me feel a desire for you that I cannot disregard. You've occupied my thoughts from the moment you saw me tonight, so I felt that I had to share this night with you." The pair of lips moved from Shinji's cheek, to the pair of lips of his own.

This was it. He was kissing a girl. No other achievement in Shinji's life, not even an infinite number of slain Angels could compare to this moment, or the moments that followed, with the two relaxing into a night of sweet dreams in each others arms, to when morning came, where Shinji awoke to his young love nestled into his shoulder. He gently stroked her face until her own eyes opened, and they began again, until Misato opened their door to discover them both, lip locked and wrapped in each other's embrace.

* * *

A/N: As I said in the beginning, the content would be difficult, adult, and wierd. Please leave any constructive comments you'd like, but remember hate mail gets ignored.


	4. Chapter 4: Malpractice

Chapter 4: Malpractice

* * *

Shinji and Rei were blinded by the light streaming into the room from all directions when they opened their eyes when Misato entered Shinji's bedroom. Squinting through the haze of glare from dark vision, they saw Misato already dressed for work. Shinji hoisted Rei up against him and sat up against the wall.

"M-Misato! You're already up-"

"Well I sure should be, considering how late you two little minxes slept today!"

"What!? But it felt like we just went to bed!"

"From where I'm standing, it seems to me that you might have been in bed, but you weren't getting any sleep."

Rei spoke up. "Misato, this is not Shinji's doing. I came to him of my own volition last night, and he did protest."

"Well, that's just great, Rei. You're supposed to be the responsible one. Now Ritsuko's gonna see that you've got one freshly popped cherry in your physical."

"That is untrue. Shinji and I had no intercourse of any form last night."

"So, what? All you did was cuddle?"

"We kissed as well."

"But there was no sex. None. Am I reading you right?"

"Misato, I...I have proof we did no such thing." Rei offered. She stood up, lifted up the hem of her nightie so that Misato could see that Rei's nighttime diaper was still taped tightly against her, and Rei's need for such a garment was proven, with a visible yellow tint underneath its plastic shell. Rei looked up at her. "It was never removed last night."

Misato stood and thought for a minute, then decided on a course of action. "Rei...you come with me; Shinji, you stay right where you are."

"Yes ma'am." Rei followed her back to her own bedroom. Shinji stayed put, and crossed his legs where he sat, because he could now feel that he had indeed slept late.  
Inside Rei's bedroom, Misato set out with Rei's reprimanding. "Look, Rei, I'm glad that you've established that you won't get pregnant, but that does not mean that you have permission to wave your ass around. At Shinji, or anyone else."

"I did not go to Shinji for physical reasons."

"Oh really? Because I'd certainly call two teenagers in one bed 'physical'."

"Misato, I went to him because I felt his heart calling out to me, and my own heart answered. Yes Misato, one is able to kiss, embrace, and consummate, but those actions are as you said; physical. Physical actions alone cannot break down the Absolute Terror field."

Yeah, no. Misato didn't believe Rei's justification one bit. AT Fields? Like the Angels fight with? From people? The last time she'd heard that was... "Rei, there's a difference between what Shinji's mom Yui _studied_ about Angel AT fields vs that unproven _theory_ she made about human ones. If there even is a human AT field, it's nowhere near strong enough to be dangerous like an Angel is. Here, look at us-" Misato walked up to Rei and quickly hugged her to make her point. "I can walk right up to you and invade your personal space, and there's no explosion or shockwave or anything. We're not Angels, Rei. When two Angels hug each other, you get an Impact."

 _But I am an Angel, Major Katsuragi. Not that you'd know that._ "Breaking down the field is not about violence, Major, it is about exposing your own weakness so that you can share your other's strength. I am well aware that what I did is not sanctioned, but I went to Shinji last night not because I desire his body, but because I desire his heart. Shinji has repeatedly stated that he believes that I am stronger than him. I am not. I only fear the Eva less than he does. In every other facet of our lives, Shinji is adjusted to better live than I. And so, my heart told me to go to him; how could I be able to refuse?"

...Misato felt tears running down her cheeks. Rei was so innocent, but at the same time, so dangerous; dangerous to Shinji, and to herself. Misato knew she had to keep the two from going too far, but she'd be damned if she'd allow anyone or anything to ever break the young pair apart. She tapped her toe on the floor a few times while thinking, until she found a solution.  
"Look, Rei, I'm gonna make you a deal: If you want to sleep with Shinji, you are allowed to do exactly that. Sleep. As in, climb into bed, snuggle into your boyfriend's arms, and go to sleep. If I find out that you two have gone active, you're getting separated. If _NERV_ finds out that you two have gone active, you get re-assigned." Misato raised an eyebrow at Rei.

"Yes ma'am, I am already aware of the repercussions. But I must ask how this is a 'deal'? Nothing appears to have changed."

"Ah, now that's where the deal comes in, sweetie! You see, to make sure you and Shinij don't get any cute ideas: on nights that you want to sleep with Shinji, whether it's every night or never again, you're not to go to bed until you check in with me, so I can make sure you're all sealed up," Misato playfully swatted Rei's padded behind, "so that we know that Shinji won't be able to get into your pants. But for any nights you two stay separate and you sleep in your own room, you don't have to check in. Good deal?"

"If I may, Misato, might I ask why a sexual relationship is prohibited? It will not lead to pregnancy."

"Because it's a simple act of self-discipline, Rei. You're young, your relationship is young, and your boyfriend is young. So that means there needs to be some real limits on what you can do with him. You're lucky, some people your age...or older..." Misato felt a slight twinge of shame, "don't even have the freedom to hug and kiss their loved ones, but you're far more mature than people like that. So I need that maturity, Rei. From you and Shinji."

Rei thought to herself. The terms were fair. "Yes, Misato. It's a good deal."

* * *

Misato and Rei had been talking for a very long time now. Shinji was still sitting cross legged on the floor, but in all the time that had gone by, his reservoir was filling, and cracks in the damn had already started to split.  
Shinji took some of his orders a bit too personally, as Misato had no plans to punish Shinji for leaving his spot, but Shinji took Misato's word as gospel, and that had gotten him into trouble yet again. He knew the inevitable would happen, but Shinji did everything in his meager power to delay it. He closed his eyes, tightened his muscles, and crossed his smooth, slender legs over and under each other, back and forth, but eventually his body gave up the fight before his willpower did.  
"Oh my God, no; please no!" He whimpered at himself as he felt the diaper Misato had forced him into last night swell up, and his thighs now felt hot and slick. Tears of shame welled up in his eyes as he chastised himself for the humiliating act, this was now one of the low points of his life so far. _Even Rei isn't awake while it happens! I...I just wet myself, right in broad daylight!...I'm so fucked up..._

Misato and Rei returned to the bedroom to rouse the boy they left behind. To his horror, they found him right as he had finished.

"Shinji, is Rei already rubbing off on you that much!?" Misato snickered and snorted, trying to hold back her laughter.

"NO! IT'S BECAUSE YOU TOOK SO DAMN LONG!"

"Now now mister, little boys don't say mean words like that!" Misato waved her finger at him. She really couldn't help herself, as adorable as Shinji looked right now, it'd have been a crime not to tease him until he fainted! "And you don't have to wait up for little old me!"

"You told me to stay right here, and-"

"You could still go to the bathroom, you silly goose!" Misato continued at the blushing boy. "But still, good on you for being obedient, soooo...is our little Shinji gonna need his big sis Misato or his little playmate Rei to help him get cleaned up?"

"NO!"

"Shinji, if you require any assistance, I can provide it." Rei spoke up after his outburst.

"Rei, I-I'm OK, thanks..." He tried to sound calm and collected, but the thought of his new girlfriend taking him into the washroom, stripping him down, and wiping him all over with a washcloth only scrambled his brain even more. "I'm just gonna go take a shower, now..." He said, then got up and ran out of the room.

Rei noted that the boy forgot to take a change of clothes with him. Misato immediately pointed out Rei's interest when she offered to take him his clothes.

"Ooh, trying to get a glimpse of Shinji naked, Rei?"

Of course, Misato's line of questioning only served to confuse the inexperienced girl. "I...I suppose? I feel...curious about his appearance."

"Well, don't. We've already tormented him enough for one day. Just wait your turn until he gets out. He needs to make it to school on time; you and me are going straight to NERV today."

* * *

For the first time in several days, Shinji felt normal. He looked at himself in the mirror after he discarded the worn diaper and removed and neatly folded the nightie Misato had put him in.  
"At least it's still down there," he said to himself as he looked down. He entered the shower and let out a breath of relief as the hot water washed the previous night away. He left the bath, toweled off, and realized he'd thrown the only underwear he'd entered the room with in the garbage.  
"NOT AGAIN!" He said as he wrapped the towel around his waist, cracked the door, and found his school uniform neatly folded just outside. There was a note written on top of the outfit.

'You ran away without these, please hurry back, I do not want to leave today without telling you goodbye.'

Shinji smiled a dreamy smile as he collected his clothes. He thought back to when he'd first really spoken to her. Sure, she had a stern military exterior, but when Rei was off duty, she was just _so_ _nice_. She was kind and understanding, and he no longer even needed to mention that she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. How did he ever deserve to meet a girl like her?

Of course, that question only got harder to answer as he met up with Rei and Misato and saw what she was wearing today. Rei looked unbelievably pretty in pink. She wore one of her new polo tops in a shade of blue that matched her hair, and had on a pink skirt, stockings that made her legs shine, and pink ballet flats that made her dainty feet look even more petite.

"Shinji" Misato got his attention, "Your jaw is about to go down through the ground floor."

He closed his mouth and walked up to his better half. "Uh, hi, uh, Rei...You, you look great. Thank you for remembering my school clothes."

"I am glad I was able to help, Shinji. But I cannot go to school with you today, I'm needed at NERV. Would you please bring me the replacement uniforms that will be waiting for me while you're there?"

"Oh, sure I can!" He perked up, happy to feel needed and useful.

"Thank you." She said. Words of gratitude. She had never really shown such appreciation to people before Shinji had been summoned to Tokyo-3. But she did indeed have reason to feel such gratitude now, which she demonstrated by rising up on her toes, wreathing her arms around his neck, and giving his lips a soft, affectionate goodbye kiss. "Have a good day today."  
Shinji had a wonderful trip to school that morning.

* * *

That blouse and skirt quickly changed into Rei's plugsuit when they arrived at NERV. Her latest sync test was initiated as soon as she arrived, and Ritsuko was shocked by the result. Rei's health being imperfect, and Unit-00 being a prototype, her sync to the Eva had been low and unstable for the entirety of her career. So Ritsuko was rightfully stunned when Rei's sync was twenty-four percent higher today than it was just as of her previous test. She, of course, received an order from the Commander to investigate such a substantial sudden improvement. Rei found herself out of her plugsuit almost as quickly as she had changed to it, and was now lying mostly undressed on Dr. Akagi's examination bed. She'd had a vial of blood drawn, and Dr. Akagi was now examining the individual chemicals in that blood under a spectrometer. Misato impatiently tapped her food outside the clinic, as Ritsuko had shut the door behind her and Rei as Misato followed them in. It was alright by Misato, though. She had all day to wait to give Ritsuko a piece of her mind. Ritsuko, meanwhile, interviewed NERV's most regular patient about her findings.

"I've found an interesting result, Rei. Nothing else about you has drastically changed. You do indeed still have low red blood cell and platelet counts, your bones are still osteogenetic, but you have healed up on schedule. Unit-00 has been repaired on schedule as well, so we expected your sync results to be unsurprising. But instead, we find your sync score to be a personal best, and I've found some interesting chemicals in your blood."

"Doctor," Rei replied "I doubt I've contracted any communicable diseases, nor have I been poisoned, as Shinji selects fresh foods to prepare for our meals at the Major's apartment."

"You're right so far, Rei, but I'm reading here that your oestradiol levels are as high as a woman who has recently copulated. Is there anything you want to tell me about living at Misato's apartment?"

Rei looked Ritsuko in the eyes. "Feel free to give me a full pelvic exam, Doctor Akagi. You will find no evidence of sexual activity."

"Then why do you have the hormone balance of a girl the morning after prom night?"

"Hormones are also secreted when the human body feels emotional and climatic changes, doctor. I will make no attempts to conceal my preference for my new living arrangements, to you or Commander Ikari. Major Katsuragi and Pilot Ikari have both gone out of their way to accommodate me while I have stayed in their household. I am not ashamed to say that I am more satisfied living there than in my old quarters."

"And you're not having any relations at all? With any boys? Or girls for that matter?"

"No, Doctor." Rei knew that the truth would come out eventually, but she had no desire to reveal it to Ritsuko, who never hid her dislike of the girl.

"Alright, then. Get dressed. Commander Ikari wants to interview you."

"I will go to him." Rei slid off the bed, replaced her hosiery, blouse, and skirt, and opened the door out to NERV's labyrinthine halls. Misato was still standing there, and she stormed past Rei into the lab.

"RITSUKO, LET ME IN THIS DAMN ROOM."

"Sorry, Misato, but this isn't an asylum for the criminally insane. You'll need to go down the road for that."

"Fuck you. I'm here because I want Rei's medication reviewed. I want anything that's not life saving or mission critical taken off of her regimen. She's on blood thinners, immunosuppressants, and even fucking opiates! It's amazing she's not a heroin addict! No wonder she's in such poor health!"

"I can't just stop giving Rei her medication-"

"YOU CAN, BECAUSE I'M THE DIRECTOR OF EVANGELION OPERATIONS, AND MY PILOTS ARE NOT GOING TO RELY ON PILLS WHILE THEY'RE ON ALERT!"

"Rei has been on these longer than you've even been here, Misato, but this is the first time you've complained-"

"Yeah, because now I have intel to work with, and when I've got positive intel, I don't just sit on my ass."

"And is this coming from Misato the Officer, or Misato who wants to be a mommy?"

"Does it really matter? I want Rei to be as healthy as possible, naturally, for her own sake AND FOR NERV'S."

"Fine, Misato. I'll go through her medication, and I'll put her on a safe minimum. If I detect any degradation in her health, however, I will have you deliver her report to the Commander."

"Fine." _You Bitch_. Misato didn't say that second word out loud.

* * *

Before they could go home, Rei informed Misato that she had to meet with the Commander. Misato found herself sealed outside the room Rei was in for the second time, this day.

"Rei." NERV's Commander spoke to the girl standing before him. In the darkness of his office, he inspected her from the crown of her head down to her toes. He had raised her to dress indistinguishably from one day to the next, a psychological element of her military conditioning, but he had never seen her dress with such...individuality. "You are not wearing your uniform."

"Commander Ikari, I was ordered to remove my plugsuit for my physical exam. I chose to send it ahead to be washed after my Sync today."

"You are also not wearing the school system's uniform."

"I only own one of those right now, and it is worn from several days of use. All others were destroyed during the Angel's attack. Your son will deliver the replacements I'm to be issued this evening. Had the attack not destroyed them, I would be."

Gendo raised one eyebrow. Ramiel's insolence had thrown his organization's entire purpose into jeopardy. "Yes. Shinji. He is the reason I've called you here. Your Sync is the highest it has ever been, Rei."

"Yes sir. Doctor Akagi also gave me that news."

"Do you know why you've improved so greatly?"

"My improvement seems to be psychosomatic in nature, Commander Ikari. Aside from my general injury recovery, I have experienced no physical changes that would have affected my performance in the Eva."

"Then tell me, what has changed in regards to your feelings, Rei?"

"As I said to Doctor Akagi, Major Katsuragi's household is more comfortable than my own. The feeling of comfort contributed to my general emotional uplift.  
Sir, the bond to an Eva is an emotional bond as much as it is an intellectual bond. I await Dr. Akagi's opinion, but I myself believe that my Sync to the Eva improved because I feel more emotionally enriched living with Major Katsuragi and Pilot Ikari."

"Then I am required to ask you this, Rei. Should Shinji's life be placed in danger, what would you do?"

"In public, or in combat, Sir?"

"Both."

"In public, I would call in to the security section. In combat, I would do whatever is necessary to support him."

"Why?" Commander Ikari watched Rei's expression for any hint of insincerity.  
This line of questioning would either give the powerful man the justification he needed to place the girl back under NERV's thumb, or it would be her railroad to freedom. Rei, being as intelligent as she was, felt this, and she decided to fight for the comfort she had so recently attained.

"Because he is the only Pilot who will sync with Unit-01. He is of extreme value to NERV."

"And should NERV's objectives require Pilot Ikari's death, Rei?"

"Commander Ikari, you mean to lose Pilot Ikari without destroying Unit-01?"

"That is correct, Rei."

"He is a valuable pilot." Rei answered. "However, should his death further NERV's goals, then best way to respect his sacrifice would be to succeed."

"And should the time come that you must choose between Shinji's life, and NERV-"

"I would serve NERV's goals, Commander Ikari." Rei answered the line without hesitation. She had practiced the answer relentlessly, as the answer was expected of her. However, after tasting life under Misato's roof, after tasting _life with Shinji_ , the answer was no longer true. Rei wore no expression, but the words tasted like poison on her tongue, and she was grateful that she was not under the sensors of a lie detector, because she knew the answer was now a lie.

Commander Ikari still suspected her, because for all the things he was, he was not a fool. But he did not have the evidence he needed to justify the choice to re-educate her. Yet. "Remember that allegiance, Rei. You are dismissed."

* * *

A/N: Next chapter won't be as dark. Promise!


	5. Chapter 5: School Daze

Chapter 5: School Daze

* * *

Shinji walked onto campus for the first time since the latest attack. To his schoolmates, he was still as much of an enigma as his absent NERV counterpart. When she was approached, either by curious other girls, and Kensuke, to ask her what her life at NERV was like, or by boys looking to ask the beautiful girl out on dates, she would stare at them until they turned and left, or would state that such questions were prohibited.

Shinji, however, would turn and run when he was asked about such a life. That changed today, because he felt like a new person - like a new man, on the way in to old stomping grounds.

"Mr. Ikari," the old decrepit teacher asked him upon entry, "what is Miss Ayanami's status?"

"She's at her doctor for a physical, Sir. NERV ordered it. Major Katsuragi says to mark her Present."

"...Fair enough then. She'll miss out, though. I had a gripping lecture on the 2nd Impact planned today."

Touji and Kensuke noticed the change when Shinji entered the class standing up straight with his head up high, and not looking down at his feet trying to avoid the rest of the class as he usually did.

"Dude, what the hell happened to you? Misato put you on testosterone pills?"

"Oh, no. It's just been a while since I've last had to fight and things are just going better, you know?"

"Sure thing, you get a week off school and Ayanami's still out, and-"

"She'll be back tomorrow, Touji."

"Ohhh, so now Shinji's keeping track of Ayanami's school life, is he?"

"I mean, I see her every day at work, so yeah."

Touji gave up on trying to weasel into Shinji's nerves after he saw that the boy wouldn't give in.

"YOU THREE! STOP LOITERING AND GET READY FOR CLASS!" Only one voice talked like that about school. And Touji wasn't going to let that voice off easily.

"Oh yeah, why don't you pick on any of the other gangs bunched up around class! You're always going after us, Rep!"

"THAT'S BECAUSE WHENEVER I TURN AROUND, YOU'RE CAUSING TROUBLE!"

"Or, maybe you've just got a stick up your ass."

"YOU...YOU-"

"Yeah me. I'm not the one getting red in the face and I'm not the one with steam coming out of my ears."

Hikari gave up. She was close to giving up on the boy entirely. He was a transplant from Osaka and his grades were below the rest of the class, but clearly that didn't matter to him as much as good grades did to her.

"Oh, Hikari." Shinji spoke up, hoping to diffuse the fight. "Do you have the uniforms Rei ordered after the last Angel was here?"

"I was going to send them to her house-"

"You're gonna want to check her address, then."

"Huh, why?" Hikari took out her student roll. "Wait, the 'Katsuragi NERV Apartment'? Since when...that's...That's your apartment, Shinji!"

"And Rei's too now after the last attack."

Touji and Kensuke, of course, took this as well as they could. "YOU MEAN THAT REI, THE HOTTEST GIRL IN THE CLASS," Hikari went from shocked to mad again, after hearing Touji say that in front of her. "IS LIVING WITH YOU!? AND WERE YOU NOT GOING TO TELL US?"

"I would have if it became relevant to talk about."

"IT'S COMPLETELY RELEVANT!"

"Yeah, well, she is. Because her apartment's gone."

Hikari cut in after the boys' shouting match. "Wait, Shinji, you mean her home was one of the places damaged in the attack?"

"It wasn't just damaged, it was completely burned down."

"That's, that's awful...would you mind if I tag long with you after school so I can get the outfits to her and learn where she is now?"

"Uh, sure. Be glad to-"

"WE'RE COMING TOO."

* * *

Shinji made the long trek home trying to ignore the entourage behind him. He had no desire to be part of what had transpired today, but he now found himself leading three of his classmates on an expedition to his own house so that one of them could fulfill her duties as leader of said class, while the other two simply exercised their own perverse curiosity. He tried to remain several paces ahead of the three, hoping to avoid the conversation happening behind him, which consisted of several rounds of browbeating from his class rep to the two boys, and their bellyaching responses. He liked his friends, and respected Hikari, but he just felt no need to be part of whatever teenage drama they swept up.  
After all, the problems he faced would throw any other middle class child's first-world-problems into sharp relief. Having to fight to the death for the survival of humanity changes your perspectives, like that.

"Look," he said as he led the pair up the stairwell to Misato's flat. "Don't cause any trouble, it's been a difficult past week at NERV." _And for me._

Misato saw the group as Shinji entered, and the avalanche started. "Shinnnnnnjiiiiiii! You didn't tell me you had a posse! And how many friends have you got waiting in the wings, huh? Oh and is Rei not gonna have a problem with you hanging around your very good looking class rep?"

"MISATO! I, I didn't even bring them all, they followed me here-"

Hikari had observed enough to get a grasp of the family dynamic. "Ms. Katsuragi, unlike the Stooges here, I assure you I did not come to look for trouble. I just need to verify Rei's new address for school and I can give her her uniforms."

"Oh that won't do at all, you guys are here for a good time! Now let me see, what do I have _other_ than beer?"

"We have Ramune, mineral water, or Shinji could brew a tea, Major." Shinji's three classmates saw her unmistakable blue hair appear behind Misato in the doorway.

And then they saw the rest of her. Dressed in her new civilian clothes, Hikari had never seen her mysterious but agreeable classmate dressed up so fashionably, and the guys, well...

"SHINJI, WHAT THE HELL, YOU REALLY DO HAVE AYANAMI LIVING HERE WITH YOU? We thought you were just screwing with us!" The two boys shouted.  
Rei. Was. Gorgeous. Hikari grabbed them both and twisted their ears into submission.

"Hi, Rei...Are you, you know...Okay with living with a guy?" Hikari asked her, some slight concern in her voice.

"Class Representative, I do not think I could be any happier than to be with Shinji." The boys' eyes went as wide as dinner plates, Hikari blushed and turned to Shinji.

"Shinji! You didn't say anything about-"

"Be-becasuse it's kind of a last minute thing to talk about! And those two wouldn't have been able to handle it anyway!"

"But are you actually 'together' together?"

"I mean...we haven't gone out or anything..."

"Kissing you goodbye this morning is more than a date, Shinji." Rei cut in.  
Hikari turned an even brighter shade of red. The boys wailed in jealousy when they realized that Shinji had gotten farther with a girl in a week than they both had in their entire lives.

"See Shinji, I told you that you'd already be Mr. Popular!" Misato trapped Shinji up in a hug, squeezing him against her chest. Shinji suffocated while Touji and Kensuke agreed to just end it all. At that point, Rei moved to the middle of the party, and to Misato's amusement, forcibly extricated Shinji from her grasp so that she could take him for herself.

Hikari turned her disbelief to the Major. "Miss...Ms. Katsuragi...you don't really approve of this, do you?"

"Sure I do! Shinji and Rei are my two best behaved people, and they're probably your two best in class, aren't they?"

"Well it is true that Rei has never had any behavior demerits...But public display of affection is a penalty in class-"

"Same as NERV, sweetie! But they're not at school or on the job, and they're not getting in trouble with the law outside, so why would I care?"

"I guess...I wouldn't want to be third wheel though."

"I'd rather them be together instead of getting caught up with some townie nobody outside. But you two heard her, didn't you?" Misato turned to her two favorite Children in the whole wide world. "No trouble at school, understand." Shinji and Rei both answered with the same "Yes Ma'am" that they were expected to answer.

* * *

Misato brought them all in. The guys dropped down in front of the TV, still in disbelief. Shinji. _Shinji._ Of all people. Had a girlfriend. Never in either boy's perverse imaginations did they think that Shinji Ikari would be able to con a female into being attracted to him. But he did, and it was Rei!  
To Touji and Kensuke, life just wasn't fair.

Rei had taken her clothing from Hikari, but that did not deter Hikari from following her into her bedroom. She got Rei's attention before she started unpacking.

"Rei...Are you really okay with all of this?"

Rei did not like this line of questioning, but she was also not a dishonest person. "My home was destroyed in the latest attack, so I am glad to reside with Major Katsuragi, but you're correct inasmuch that I'd have preferred the Angel simply never attack us."

"Oh, Rei I...I didn't mean that, I'm sorry. I meant is everything with Shinji going well?"

"I, I'm not certain. NERV does not sanction what we are doing, so I don't know if it can remain real."

"So...what are you allowed to do?"

"Go to school, then report to NERV for training. I suppose you never see me socialize on campus. That is why."

Hikari was in disbelief. "That's so unfair! Who are they to-"

"NERV is a secure organization with critical survivability. Their secrecy is justified."

"That's right, Rei, but you work for them. Despite what Ritsuko might say, you're a NERV employee, not NERV property." The two arguing girls turned to see Misato had entered the conversation. "I couldn't help but satisfy my curiosity towards what you two little beauties were talking about! Rei it'd do you good to have some girlfriends, and it's clear Hikari likes you."

"But we are not supposed to interact with non-NERV personnel."

"You're an Eva Pilot, Rei. What the hell can they do to you?"

"In all seriousness Major Katsuragi, if it's deemed fit they would not hesitate to dismiss a pilot."

"And it would be the worst decision they could possibly make. They're not stupid enough to let you go, Rei." Misato drew the girls into a group hug. "So rebel every now and then!"

* * *

"Dude, Misato left!" Touji and Kensuke waited until Misato and the girls disappeared from earshot to descend upon Shinji. "Explain. Right fucking now."

Shinji had already had enough of their garbage, and he was near to the point where he no longer gave a damn. "You two know what? I will explain. I know Rei probably better than I know anyone now, and she's probably the strongest person that nobody's ever heard of. Want to know why? Because everything she goes through, and every need she's ever had that's gone unmet, she is not allowed to talk about. And the way you two act around girls, you wouldn't be able to understand even if she did. Maybe quit mouth breathing around women and act like actual men, and you might get a girl's attention."

Holy Shit they thought as their jaws hung open, Shinji just completely roasted them and they didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of a retort. They were rescued from their injured egos when they heard the women return. They saw Hikari run into the room, carrying a penguin of all things into the living room.

"I can't believe you've got a pet penguin, Misato!" Hikari squealed as she hugged the bird in her arms.

"Well he's a rescue from the 2nd Impact. Antarctica was totally destroyed, remember, and those little guys are almost all wiped out. Pen Pen is just me doing my part to save them from the endangered list."

"I know, but he's sooooo sweeet!" She said as she hugged him again.

"Actually, talking about water, guess what Shinji!"

"Umm, what, Misato?"

"You get to fly out to the Pacific fleet with me to pick up Asuka tomorrow!"

Shinji went pale. He gets seasick! "You mean, on a ship, on the...the Ocean?!"

"Well where else, silly? Unit-02's currently atop the Over the Rainbow this instant somewhere past Guam and it's on it's way here. 24 hours and it'll be inside flying distance!"

"Uhhh, can we just meet them on the beach?"

"AND MISS OUT ON THE BIGGEST SHIP IN THE WORLD, AND THE BIGGEST FLEET IN THE WORLD?" Kensuke jumped up and shouted in Shinji's ear. "THAT'S ONLY THE NAVIES OF THE ENTIRE UNITED NATIONS FORMED UP TO TRANSPORT AN EVA HALFWAY AROUND THE PLANET! You can't miss it for anything, Shinji!"

"Misato, look, I don't really like water all that much..."

"Well there's no time like the present to grow some sea legs!"

"But I've never taken any kind of boat ride before. Can Rei come or something?"

"Sorry big boy, she has to stay on alert with Unit-00. Touji and Kensuke can come with us though!"

"You hear that, Sukes? We're going on vacation! Fuck school!"

That line was accompanied by a thorough slap to the back of Touji's head. "You are the last person who should be skipping school, Touji Suzuhara!." She said, as Touji didn't realize Hikari was standing just close enough to get him within disciplinary range.

"Now now, Miss Class Rep." Misato gleefully chided her. "This is NERV business, therefore any potential Children going are not counted as missing school. By all means, pick on Touji, but he's not in trouble."

"Yeah, you hear that! I'm not in trouble! Wait, what do you mean 'pick on Touji'?!"

"Are you three gonna need a lift home?"

"Oh, we walk home every day, Ms. Katsuragi, we'll be fine."

* * *

It was late. The friends had all headed home, and Misato was writing the final travel notes in her room. She nodded, nearly napping, when suddenly there came a tapping, tapping on her chamber door. "A visitor?"

"Only Rei, and no one more."

"Well that visitor is always welcome. Come in, and know me better!" She turned to see that Rei was dressed for bed, in all her nightclothes.

"And what might bring a fair young lady in that state of dress into my court?" Misato gave her an approving smile. She herself remembered being in love once, a long time ago.

"I'm upholding my obligation, Misato." Rei lifted up the hem of her nightie. Misato saw she was wrapped up tight.

"Then I take it you're going to go see a certain boy, named 'Shinji' by any chance?" She playfully teased her charge.

"I...feel empty when he's not nearby. As if a piece of me is missing."

"Then go get that piece back! Go get him, girl!" Misato prodded her, feeling proud of her efforts to match the two Children up as well as she did.

* * *

This time, he was wearing a blank white A-shirt and boxer's shorts. He felt much better about himself as he climbed into bed than he did last night.

He had just closed his eyes when light from the opened door flooded into the room and then cut back to darkness. He felt her weight press into his lap once again.

"Shinji." She said.

"Rei." He answered.

"We've been given the rule that we cannot disrobe or perform any erogenous actions. But we are free to taste each other's lips."

"Really." Shinji realized he could probably get used to this little arrangement. He settled her lithe form in his lap and wrapped his arms around her. "Then there's no reason to waste time, is there?"

"Absolutely not." She said, and tasted the Jasmine tea he had earlier made in his kiss.

* * *

A/N: Chapter 6 is where the fun begins!


End file.
